Monogamy. Exception or Rule?

By KAVON, December 14, 2018

If you see Cinderella, tell her the prince’s wife is looking for her!

THE FAIRY TALE

Chapter One

(a short story in process)

So, I’m on the back of prince charming’s horse and we’re galloping through the forest.  Of course, I’m hanging on for dear life.  I’ve been here before and this is the longest I’ve been able to hang on! At some point, he makes a wrong turn because he refuses to stop and ask for directions.  Eventually, after riding around in circles for what felt like days, we are finally approaching the gates of the kingdom commonly referred to as “Happily Ever After.”  I’m excited even though my ass is sore from the long ride.  Okay, maybe it wasn’t from the long ride, but mind your business, it was the prince’s birthday!

As we approach the gates, his cellphone rings.  He shushes me!  Much to my surprise, it’s Mrs. Charming.  What the hell?  What kind of bullshit is this?  Suddenly, without warning he pulls on the reins of the horse and kicks causing the horse to rear up on its hind legs, tossing my ass to the ground!  This fool takes off, galloping through the gates, which immediately lock tight behind him!

So, there I sit, just outside the gates of “Happily Ever After” in intense pain, both physically, and emotionally.  Damn, how could I get this close?  Of course, I’m not sure which hurts worse, my ass or my feelings!  Stunned, I look around to find that I’m not alone.  I’m surrounded by a bunch of other women, scratching their heads and rubbing their asses.  Their own asses, not each other’s, relax! (Then again to each his own! Monogamy or lack there of, is universal!)  Apparently, they never made it through the gates either and we have much in common!

So after the shock has worn off, a bunch of us get to talking.   Let’s face it, that’s what women do.  We talk.  A LOT.  We come to the conclusion that apparently there are a whole bunch of guys running around disguised as Prince Charming.  And we’re all a bunch of wanna-be princesses.  Some queens, but hey age is just a number, right?

So, a group of us go in search of a local pub where apparently, over way too much wine, we begin to justify our stupidity and console one another.  WE TALK A LOT MORE.  To ease the pain, we consider, what’s so happy about the other side?  Maybe we’ve been spared.  Maybe happily ever after is on this side of the gate.  For all we know, it could be hell on the other side.  It’s not like any of us have been there.

So I decided to do some research.  I would park my ass right outside of the gate and see if I can get a few of them to talk to me.   I planned to interview the wanna-be princesses and some of the fake ass princes. I thought, perhaps my research will be published one day and will help future wanna-be princesses to avoid the back of the horse, or at least cushion the fall when they get thrown by a guy that looks a lot like Prince Charming.

Some of you will assume that I’m about to commence with some male bashing.  Not at all!  You see, in “MY OPINION”, (to which I am entitled) most men (or maybe more than most) are like Siamese twins.  You almost have to feel sorry for them. No good can come of two heads!  Who’s in charge? We all know that whenever you have two heads involved, there will be a power struggle of some sort.   I call this “The theory of the dueling heads.” It just sounds scientific.  Thesis worthy.  If the huge historic divorce settlements suggest anything, is that perhaps only one head functions at a time. Eureka!  Perhaps one head, short-circuits the other head?

Many will think I’m writing this because I’ve been burned one too many times.  But that wouldn’t be true either.  This is not because I’ve been “burned,” but because of what I have learned.  And no, Johnny Cochran didn’t help me with that line! Bless his soul.  I came up with that completely on my own and more importantly, it’s probably true.  Little bit, maybe?

Before you get your panties in a wad, it’s just my two cents (which you get for free!) based on my experiences, my research, my interviews, my friends, my coworkers and random people I’ve met in fabulous restaurants in Beverly Hills, downtown lounges, museums, and the Marina Del Rey Cheesecake factory!  (Don’t judge me until you’ve been to the CF in the marina! It’s not your regular mall chain restaurant. It sits on its own beach with a view of the marina, fire pits, private cabanas, the coolest staff ever and of course, the 38 page menu of huge portions that may or may not be contributing to obesity in this country, but hey, you can do like I do and eat it for three days.  (Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to eat it all at one sitting! ) I’ll deal with the oversized portions and obesity in my next blog.  Hold that thought!

Obviously my own personal relationships and those of my close friends prompted my curiosity and research.  I have to admit, I’ve become slightly obsessed with the topic.   Come on, it’s in the news daily now and has been for a few years now.  How can you not think about it?  It’s the topic of political debates!   A president was impeached over it!  And not your average president.  And speaking of impeachment….. another one should be for reasons too numerous to list……but I digress.

So, again before you attack, it’s just MY TWO CENTS!  Take it or leave it. (feel free to stop reading now and go about your life) It’s based only on what “I”have experienced, read and how “I”interpreted it.  Of course, when I first started writing I was jokingly referred to as “Jaded Pinkett,”but that was years ago and even those that would debate me on the subject, have since changed their minds or are at least open to the slightest possibility that there may be some universal truth in my ideas.  I would love for people to just talk about it.  So I will start the conversation.  Feel free to join in.