During a recent conversation with a friend, who’s now reformed and married ass suggested that men or women who engage in a sexual relationship with someone in a committed relationship or married are morally bankrupt. Never mind that he had done so previously on numerous occasions.

Morally bankrupt? Seems like a description more befitting of the current leader of the free world! But let me not go there.  News flash! It is totally possible to have sex absent of love. Sex isn’t about your soul. Sex is about your body. While it’s probably not a good idea to quote Woody Allen, he said this and it’s pretty funny and for most very true:

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good!”

There are men AND women who are able to separate love from meaningless sex. It’s a physical act. Granted, I’m not one of them, but they exist. I personally have failed the few times I attempted the whole casual sex thing. But while I failed casual sex 101, there are plenty of people that pass with flying colors! I just don’t believe that this makes them morally bankrupt.

It’s a common fact that many, if not most marriages are sexless or sex deficient. Sometimes, side action is what enables couples to stay together. And who’s to say they should stay together. There could be reasons they attempt to do so. Financial and kids being the top two, I’m sure. Maybe they truly love each other, but the relationship has changed. Maybe there are physical reasons. Maybe one has no sex drive while the other is starved for action. Hormones can destroy a woman’s sex drive, so where does that leave the husband? Whatever the case may be, one or both might end up having sex with someone outside of that relationship and maybe that someone else may not want a relationship with them. That person may just want to have sex. Most of us do! That person might just have unfulfilled needs. Having sex is natural. What is not natural is not having sex! “Sex is pleasure and love is commitment!”

Sex is healthy! Physical intimacy with other humans is essential to our wellbeing. Sex reduces stress. Sex burns calories. Sex lowers blood pressure and beats the hell out of taking a pill. Sex saves vaginas from an untimely death. Ever heard of vaginal atrophy? It’s a thing! I swear. It’s a thing!!! Google it. I know someone that recently received that diagnosis. She’s been waiting on love. Her vagina, on the other hand, has been waiting on penis!

I have had conversations over the years with many women engaged in sexual relationships with married or so-called committed men.  I don’t mean me, but folks.  Off the top of my head as I recall, in three of the situations the men were ex-boyfriends. One was even an ex-husband! They went from being the main course to being the side dish. Or a side piece as they now call them. And none of them wanted the man back! Enough time had passed for them that they no longer had feelings. They wanted to have sex with men they knew and men they knew they were sexually compatible with. Men that weren’t nuts or stalkers. None of them at that point in their lives desired to even have a man 24/7/365, much less a recycled one, so it just worked.   They weren’t looking for love, they were looking for sex! I don’t think that makes someone morally bankrupt. I think it makes them human!

When will we stop avoiding tough conversations about sex?