Sidepieces have been around since the beginning of time; we just didn’t openly speak about them. Sidepieces weren’t mainstream. You didn’t hear Trump being referred to as Putin’s sidepiece on Saturday Night Live, but they existed. They weren’t always called sidepieces. Mistresses. Concubines. Paramour. Lady friend. Here’s a good one. “Hetaera” (an illicit lover)

Songs have been written about them and I include a list of them as a suggested playlist in my soon to be released book.

A few days ago I was in a Lyft. Stevie Wonder’s “Part Time Lover” came on. The driver was snapping his fingers (when is the last time you saw finger snapping?) and happily singing along.  I joked. “I hear you up there singing that sidepiece song!”  A very interesting conversation commenced and continued until I reached my destination. I had to break it down for him:

“If I’m with friends and we should meet, just pass me by, don’t even speak, know the word’s discreet, when part-time lovers. But if there’s some emergency, have a male friend to ask for me, so then she won’t peek, it’s really you, my part-time lover!”            Really Stevie? All up-tempo and what not! A sidepiece hit song!

Sidepieces have come up. Back in the day, it wasn’t uncommon for a man to have a whole other family across town, so long as he took care of home, the wife would often turn a blind eye. Might be a little church gossip and an occasional shooting, but other than that it was just the way it was.

Well, some things change and some never will.

I recently asked a woman who has been a sidepiece to one man for “12 Years!” why she accepted the role and happily no less.   She said she sees him just enough to not get sick of him and doesn’t see him just enough to miss him. Sex wasn’t obligatory, but exciting and passionate and yes, 12 years in! He still made her nervous and gitty. He did nice things for her. He took her on trips and when he couldn’t go, he sent her.   He said “Good morning” daily and “Goodnight” nightly. He regularly called or text to ask how her day was going. In her 15 year marriage, none of those things occurred after year 5! Some never occurred. The 7-year itch happened in year 2! Her man had never been faithful. In fact, she stated, “If they gave out degrees for lying and cheating, he had earned a Ph.D.!”

She was content. She had time for herself. She had time for friends without feeling guilty. She had no one else to clean up after but enjoyed making special meals for him on occasion rather than going out. It wasn’t a chore, it was a pleasure. Lastly, she said the believed that he truly loved his wife, but she also believed that he loved her too and that it was possible to love more than one person.  My response was surely you deserve better.  She replied, “I’m content. What’s better than that?”

In the end, she decided it was better to be lied about than lied to.

12 Years a sidepiece and looking forward to hitting the big 1-3!

Hey Hallmark, you are missing out on a whole new market!