#Sidepieceproblems #Quarantine #Covid19 Edition

As usual, during any type of financial crisis, I frantically reach out to my financial advisor. Should I sell? Hold on? Wait it out? That was always his advice. “Wait it out!” And that advice would always be followed by, “This is actually an opportunity.”

Well, he finally called me back knowing that I would have remembered the advice he gave me the last three times I panicked and called. But his concerns were not directly related to my very small stock portfolio. No, he was actually concerned about how this crisis would affect my future content.   For those of you that do not know this or have yet to read my last post, I wrote and produced a play entitled, “Side Piece, Untold Stories.” That production is a collection of monologues that deals with the subject of monogamy, or in this case, lack thereof. Each monologue is told from the perspective of the other woman. Affectionately, or maybe not so affectionately known as “The Side Piece.”

He was concerned. He said, “You know with this quarantine situation, a whole lot of sidepieces are out of business!” I hadn’t thought of that, but he was absolutely correct. A lot of them would be. Of course, you will have those men that feel the sidepiece is safe. She’s quarantined too! And the grocery stores are open. Maybe they have more toilet paper! He can always say he was going to the store. Depending on proximity (cause lets face it, it happens and I have heard stories of a man putting the side piece a block or two away!) a run. A loooooonnnnnnng walk! Don’t believe me, wait until Volume III of the play.

I was less concerned about my content because I had more than enough material for years to come, but he did get me to thinking! This quarantine is going to make or break some relationships. A few hours together in the evening are not the same as being together 24/7.   Either a couple will realize that they still love, or more importantly, like each other and he (or SHE!) might even give up the side piece if there is one. OR, a couple will realize that they can’t stand each other and as soon as they can leave the house, one of them is leaving for good!

But where pray tell, does that leave the sidepiece? She is getting no time and attention. If you are not leaving the house, you can’t call. I guess there is email, but when is the last time you had an orgasm reading an email? Sidepieces have needs too. Meanwhile, his or her needs may be fulfilled by the person that actually should be doing the job. All that time you didn’t have before, spent in your car commuting, or at meetings and dinner with your boys, your girls, your colleagues….yo ass is at home with your significant other. You have some extra time to get it poppin’!

BUT, what is a sidepiece to do? In a large number of cases, she (or He) is not happy that you are spending all that time with your man or woman. Of course, there are those that are financially provided for which is part of their motivation that might actually be relieved if you keep providing when she no longer has to! She was in it for the benefits. Of course, he might cut you off. Remember that lyric, “No romance without finance?” Reverse that shit! “No finance without romance!” What if you keep providing and then when quarantine is over, she’s ready to move on or “found” herself?

All that time alone allowed her to think. When the sidepiece has too much time to think…there is a chance she might realize that she no longer wants to be one. Remember, in most cases, she is home alone. (Unless she or HE is married but we are not talking about that segment of the sidepiece population.) No, I’m talking about the single woman sidepiece. Home. Alone. Thinking! That the shit might be over once that last check clears!

No, I’m afraid that this quarantine will greatly affect us all in many ways and for many months to come. Financially. Psychologically. A lot of people will be out of work. Businesses may not recover. Relationships may not recover. Sidepieces may just retire.

But as my financial advisor has said to me now through each crisis and been right, I must add, “This is actually an opportunity.” It could be an opportunity for people to reinvent themselves. It could be an opportunity for couples to reinforce and renew their relationships. It could be an opportunity for a sidepiece to really search her soul and make the decision not to settle for being a sidepiece.

Or, when quarantine is over and we are on the other side of this pandemic, it could be an opportunity to find a new one!