All of our lives, we have been bombarded with the fairy tales about finding our one true love. Love songs, rom-coms, and stories across the globe all preach the same message: You have to find your soul mate.  This is the key to a happy and fulfilling life.  Otherwise, your life will be incomplete.

For many years, finding a mate and getting married has been the goal for most, dare I say, especially women.  Find your other half (as if we are incomplete as humans) and be monogamous and happy.  There’s only one issue here.  Humans suck at monogamy.  There’s tons of evidence that suggest monogamy is some unnatural shit.  But while it might be unnatural, it is possible.  Hell, it’s possible that I could become president, but highly unlikely!

Historians and evolutionary biologists state monogamy is a relatively new, self-imposed system.  Apparently, humans lived without it for more than 250,000 years.  Back in the day, it was also common for men to have concubines and whores.  I’m sorry to say but it appears we have a longer history of non-monogamy than being monogamous!

I forget where I read this, but love and monogamy are not the same things.  It makes sense.  Love is a feeling.  Monogamy is a rule.  And here’s the problem with rules; they get broken!

Maybe it is time to accept the fact that it is highly unlikely, if not impossible, that this “one true love” will forever meet all of your needs for the duration, sexual, emotional or otherwise.

Dan Savage believes and I agree, we need more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity. Dan has a Sex and relationship column, “Savage Love” syndicated all over the world for 26 years. He also has one of the top podcasts in the world.  So, we have obviously been talking about this for a long ass time!

I love this. He said, “There’s a misconception that loves means you will never want to fuck the shit out of someone else.”  We shouldn’t expect relationships to be effortlessly monogamous.

I don’t know what the answer is.  Like most, I’m trying to gain a better understanding myself through open and honest conversation.   This is life! This is not a rom-com.  There is no script.  Sometimes you have to improvise.  It’s probably our best hope for that happy ending.